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Timbers Offseason Driving Tour: 16 Billboards in an Hour

23 January 2011 118,502 views 2 Comments

Are you obsessed with seeing all the Timbers billboards?  Want to see them in person and not just on the internet?  Want to do it in about an hour?  Print this guide out and hop in your car.  Or just open it on your iPhone and follow along.  We’ve even provided instructions for the car-free.  Every stop also has a “Program your GPS” listed, so if you get off track (or if you want to just go see a couple you missed) you can use that.

If you live in SW or are obsessive about seeing every last one, start at stop #1, otherwise you can shave some time off without missing much by starting at stop #3.  If anyone actually follows this guide or even a part of it, leave us a comment and let us know.  Unless you get really lost and something bad happens to you.  If we’ve missed any of the billboards, drop us a comment and we’ll find some way to work it in.

Stop #1 – SW Terwilliger and Taylors Ferry – Katie #1

Driving Directions:  To start the tour, take I-5 North or South (depending where you live) to the Terwilliger exit.  Head South on Terwilliger to the Starbucks at Terwilliger and Taylors Ferry.

Program your GPS: 8510 Sw Terwilliger Blvd

Driving Alternatives:  Feel free to skip to stop #3 to start the tour.  The first two billboards are of Katie, who you will also see later at 16th and Sandy.   Trimet #43 can get you here from either downtown or Washington Square.

The first billboard on the tour is Katie Dober.  She actually appears on four billboards including two others that look exactly like this one.  You might even say that her image is as common in Portland as Starbucks, but you’d be wrong- there are way more Starbucks- in fact this sign is right next door to one of them.

Stop #2 – SW Macadam and Bancroft – Katie #2

Driving Directions:  Head down the hill towards the river (East) on Taylors Ferry.  Turn left on SW Macadam.

Program Your GPS: 4200 SW Macadam Ave

Driving Alternatives: Trimet #43 will get you from stop #1 to here. Get off just past Bancroft at Lowell.

Look to your right. It’s Katie again.  Whoever lives in that RV has a sweet view of this one.

Stop #3 – SW 6th and Alder – Timbers Team Store

Driving Directions: Continue down Macadam and follow the signs towards City Center.  Turn right at Naito, left on Taylor and right on 6th.

Program your GPS: 519 SW 6th Ave

Driving Alternatives: Bus #43 will take you the rest of the way into downtown.  Get off at 6th and Columbia and take bus or Max along the bus mall to 6th and Alder.

The Timbers team store will be on your left.  If you think you’re better looking than the people you see on these billboards, you might want to stop by for the Fan Photo Shoot which will be happening Jan 27- 29.  I’ll be first in line.

Stop #4 – SW 4th and Stark – Eugenie

Driving Directions:  Continuing on 6th, take three lefts to make a right: L on Oak, L on Broadway, L on Stark.

Program your GPS: 403 Southwest Stark Street

Driving Alternatives: The team store is just four blocks away, so walk two blocks north to Stark and turn right.

Eugenie will appear on your left.  I can’t tell if she’s actually super tall, or if it’s just that the poster takes up 10 stories, but she sure looks tall.  There’s also the first of several “No Pity” signs, part of the Timbers No Pity campaign. The slogan actually originates in the Timbers Army, who are famous for wielding No Pity scarves while opponents writhe on the pitch.

Stop #5 – SW 18th and Morrison – PGE Park

Driving Directions:  Continuing on Stark, go right on 3rd and right on Morrison.

Program your GPS: 1844 Southwest Morrison Street

Driving Alternatives:  The MAX will take you from 3rd and Morrison to PGE Park.

PGE Park, which is undergoing both a name change as well as a big upgrade is the next stop.  From the outside you’ll be able to see two of the new logos, as well as a reader board advertising season tickets.  If you stop and park, you can peek through the fence and see some of the construction going on.

Stop #6 – 10th and W Burnside – Cian, Fernando

Driving Directions: Continuing on Morrison turn right at 20th and right onto Burnside.

Program your GPS: 1005 West Burnside

Driving Alternatives:  Walk the eight blocks along Burnside, or catch bus #20 which goes down Burnside.

Burnside is the heart of this tour.  There are now more Timbers billboards along Burnside than crazy guys who want to jump out in front of your car.  That’s quite an accomplishment.  You’ll have to get out of your car at this stop to see all three of the billboards.  Nando will appear on your right, just across from Powells, but look back in the direction you came to see Cian and another axe wielding model.

This guy yelled out “Picture time” to me and asked for a picture.  Well here you go dude.  Hopefully you read Dropping Timber.

Stop #7 – Broadway and W Burnside – Big Nando

Driving Directions: Continue on SW Burnside

Program your GPS: 700 W Burnside

Driving Alternates: Walk 3 blocks east on Burnside, or continue in bus #20.

This one is actually located at SW Pine and Broadway, but you can see it from Burnside looking to the right. Here’s Nando again, this time a little bigger.  This one might be the best of the bunch: it takes up two sides of a building, it’s got a real Timbers Army person in it, and I saw another couple standing on the corner taking a picture of it right at the same time I was.  That’s no coincidence.

Stop #8 – 4th and W Burnside – Katie plus one

Driving Directions: Continue on Burnside.

Program your GPS: 400 W Burnside

Driving Alternatives: Continue walking on Burnside three blocks, or in bus #20.

Katie and her friend with a chainsaw will be on the right.

When I got out to take a picture of this one, I left my brand new Timbers jacket in my car. I thought I was starting to look a bit too superfan taking pictures of Timbers billboards while in Timbers gear.  I didn’t want to ruin my street cred now that I was getting close to Voodoo Doughnuts.

Stop #9 – Burnside and Grand – Three more billboards

Driving Directions: Stay on Burnside crossing over the bridge.

Program your GPS: 500 E Burnside

Driving Alternatives:  Stay on bus #20 over the Burnside Bridge.

The glut of billboards continues with another No Pity scarf image, just across the bridge.

Here’s Abram who is also on the 107ist board along with the previously mentioned Fernando.  He’s got dual axes, making him sort of like the Darth Maul of Timbers billboards, except his face isn’t covered in tattoos.  That analogy didn’t go very far.

This is a reversible billboard. It has a No Pity scarf on the other side.

Stop #10 – 6th and E Burnside

Driving Directions, Driving Alternatives: Continue on Burnside

This one is tough to get a good picture of, especially if you are lazy.

Stop #11 – 7th and E Burnside

Driving Directions, Driving Alternatives: Continue on Burnside

Another of the tall format billboards.  Notice how I turned my camera sideways to take this one?  That’s mad photography skills.

Stop #12 – 16th and Sandy – Timbers and Non-Timbers Billboards

Driving Directions:  Stay left to get onto Sandy, then turn right on Sandy.

Program your GPS: 1600 NE Sandy Blvd

Driving Alternatives: Buses 12 and 19 will take you from Stop #11 to 16th and Sandy.

Here are the two billboards which were the inspiration for Canzano’s article, where he contrasts the diminutive (in comparison) Vikings billboard with the much larger one of Katie.  Kevin from Dropping Timber tackled the issue as well.

From the same spot you can see this one which isn’t a Timbers billboard at all, but it has the shape of an axe on it, so I took a picture.

Stop #13 – I-84 and NE 33rd – Timber Joey

Driving Directions: Continue on Sandy then take a left onto NE 33rd.  Turn around on 33rd after you cross I-84 so you can be going in the right direction to take a right and get on west I-84.

Program your GPS: 1500 NE 33rd Ave

Driving Alternatives:  A bit tricky.  Use bus #12 to get from Stop 12 to Sandy and Broadway, then take bus #77 back towards Montgomery park to get close to the 33rd ave bridge.  Getting onto 84 using public transportation is difficult.  Your best bet may be to view this one from the 33rd ave bridge, or behind the nearby Fred Meyers.

To get this amazing obscured view, you’d have to continue on turning left on Broadway.  It is in back of the Fred Meyer.

I didn’t have anyone in the car with me to take a picture, so I had this genius idea to shoot video of the billboard as I drove by while merging onto I-84.  This was the result.  Also Timber Joey claims to have been working out to get in better shape, so you might notice a slightly more toned mascot as you drive by.

Stop #14 – Broadway and N Interstate – Timber Jim and Kids

Driving Directions:  Continue on I-84W but head towards I-5 North.  Take the Rose Quarter exit and go straight off the exit, turning left at Broadway.  Take a right on Interstate before you cross the bridge.

Program your GPS: 1520 N Interstate

Driving Alternatives: Bus #77 will get you from the last stop to 12th and Broadway.  You’ll have to either walk the last 11  blocks, or transfer onto #9 which will take you the rest of the way down Broadway.

Timber Jim, Cian and another kid who also appeared in the No Pity commercial star on this one.

And that’s the end of the tour.  Of course if you really want to see all the Timbers billboards.  You have to get back on the freeway, and head about 180 miles north.  Once you get close to Qwest field, home of the Seattle Sounders, you might find the last billboard.  It looks something like this:

The fact that this billboard still stands in pristine condition so close to the home of our rivals, says all you really need to know about them.  If there was a Sounders billboard on Burnside right now, what sort of shape do you think it would be in?

No pity.

Posted by Dan